Wanna Know If You’re In a Toxic Relationship? Here’s four indicators, according to top psychologists
Most people assume they know what’s best for them. The sad truth is, we just don’t. Both men and women may be suited to handling a plethora of dangerous situations. However, recognizing them in the first place is a different beast. In this article, I point out some telltale indicators that your significant other may be toxic waste.
According to renowned phychologist, Lawry Laurenz, PshyD, these are the easiest signs to notice in people you intend to be commited with.
- When there are negative behaviors: Some people’s constant complaining, critical remarks, and overall negativity create a toxic environment. Other toxic traits may include perfectionism, unhealthy competitiveness, and frequent lying. A person may also let their insecurities bring out the worst in them.
- When one (or both) people lack self-awareness: Sometimes people are unaware of their negative effect on others. They also may not know healthier ways to communicate. It’s likely that they don’t know how to read social cues well enough to know when they’re frustrating people or making them feel like they are being criticized or ignored.
- When a partner is constantly cheating: If an intimate partner lies and cheats without even trying to change their behavior, it adds a toxic element to the relationship.
- When a person is abusive: When people repeatedly and intentionally hurt you, their behavior can be considered abusive. Whether they are constantly gossiping about you, or they are physically harming you in any way, abuse is never OK.
Narcissist or Sociopath?
The fact is, you may be in an intimate relationship with a narcissist or sociopath, and not realize it for years. Just to ensure that doesn’t happen, or continue. I’ve compiled a list of traits for both of these categories.
But don’t just take my word for it. Take time to really understand if this is how your partner is, or you guys are just in a rough patch. Trust me, there is a difference. And you’ll regret jumping to conclusions here.
- Narcissists have an inflated sense of self-importance and crave admiration, while sociopaths have a lack of empathy and disregard for social norms.
- Narcissists seek validation and attention, often boasting about their achievements, while sociopaths manipulate others for personal gain without guilt.
- Narcissists may have moments of empathy and self-awareness, whereas sociopaths display more consistent antisocial behavior.
- Both may exhibit behavior that harms others, but narcissists are driven by ego and image, whereas sociopaths lack moral compass.
- Narcissists are typically more focused on themselves and their image, while sociopaths are primarily concerned with fulfilling their own desires.
UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT
Another thing that’s really important to understand regarding narcissism, is that it doesn’t have to be a deal breaker. Narcissism is as much of a quirk as not doing laundry, or refusing to perform fellatio. The fact is, some women prefer their men to feel and be of immense importance. You can’t have that if all he thinks about is everyone else.
We also need to understand the world we now live in. The digital age has had a colossal impact on what we think we need to look, act, and feel day-to-day. Growing as a person around the fluff of social platforms, and Hollywood, really changes a person’s view on what normal and down to Earth means.
Also, you might be the narcissist who is trying to find a way out, that doesn’t make you look like a buffoon. Remember, a narcissist wants to maintain a pristine image under all circumstances. So, if you’re fishing for points to make to friends and family after the relationship is over, make the first to yourself.
When the relationship is only about the two involved (as it should be) you won’t be swayed by possible opinions you imagine others will have.
What Are Other Signs of a Toxic Person?
Realize that the indicators I pointed out may not show as extreme traits. Behavior as simple as always demanding to control the television and movie choices is a lower spectrum of narcissism. The point is that they aren’t compassionate about sharing.
Some people, particularly narcissists and sociopaths, tend to feed off of other people’s attention and admiration. Narcissists feel a need to one-up people and make them feel “less-than” in a quest for superiority.
They may intentionally put you down in subtle ways or throw little insults at you if you share an accomplishment you are proud of. They also may keep you guessing as to whether or not they will be nice to you from one day to the next. Or, they may engage in gaslighting on a consistent basis.
Narcissists notoriously don’t admit fault because they truly believe that they never make mistakes. In fact, they find it personally threatening to see themselves as less than perfect.
Constant drama in a relationship can distract us from the other relationships in our lives, leading to a sense of social isolation—which may cause other issues like depression or worsened sleep quality.
You may find that a toxic relationship impacts your ability to engage in self-care. You may sacrifice your normal routine—including personal hygiene, exercise, hobbies, and more—if you’re constantly dealing with a tumultuous or toxic person or relationship. This sacrifice can lead to a decline in overall physical and mental health over time.
Talk to the other person about what you’re witnessing. Be assertive about your needs and feelings while also taking responsibility for your part in the situation.
Discuss what you see as a problem and decide together if you want to change the dynamic to ensure that both of you get your needs met.
Re-evaluate your relationship and ask yourself: Is this person causing real damage to my self-esteem and overall mental health?
- If you decide to talk about your concerns, use "I feel" statements
- Realize that some toxic people simply are unwilling to change
- Force them to understand and identify with you. Just express yourself, that's all.
The key here is to grab hold of your freedom. The longer you excuse the behavior discussed above, the more fuel you provide to the person doing it. Additionally, you’ll come to resent the person you’re with greatly. Furthermore, you’ll look down of yourself for being weak enough to allow it to continue.
Remember that the first step is the hardest to take. But it’s almost the most rewarding. Just knowing you have the strength to fight for change and live through it is monumental for your progression. And it creates a better standard for the way you’ll be treated by possible mates in the future.
Love yourself enough to take a stand. But you have to be willing to concede that your assumption may not be the truth.
